Car Washes Are Weird

So yeah this is a blog about “car washes.” Call me weird but there are some things I’ve been observing and I think it’s important to bring them to light. Bare with me & buckle up.

Car washes are so interesting to me. It is something we can completely live without. No one really needs to wash their car, but it’s something that portrays to our fellow neighbor in the lane next to us that, “Yes, please look at my car, I’ve got my shizz together.” I mean we see a dirty car and instantly look at it and think, “Who the butt is driving this thing?”

Don’t lie to yourself, we all do it.

When we see a clean car our immediate thoughts about that person are so positive like, “they’ve probably got a great job” , “probably an “honor student”, “someone who for sure meal preps”. We have stellar thoughts about these people.

Little side story. Growing up my family has taken their cars very seriously. Right when I got my first car “thank you parents” and rode off to college, almost every time I spoke to my dad on the phone one of the first questions he asked was, “How’s your car doing?” I think that question might’ve come out of his mouth before asking “How are you doing?” It’s fine everything’s fine I tell myself it’s a dad thing. I gotta say though I wasn’t too great at the whole getting my car washed thing at first.

However, as I’ve aged I really started to realize that I don’t wash my car so that people think I’m a straight- A student….well cause that was 100% false. But I wash it because I really noticed my brain literally CHANGE. I’m not sure what voodoo magic happens in the car wash but I’m at utter peace when I leave and drive away. Anyone else? I enter that bubble dome as an overwhelmed crazy person and drive off feeling like I can tackle any obstacle in my way. 

Now I didn’t mean to talk about myself for all of those 2 paragraphs cause what I really meant to lay out for you after observing and taking notes are the different types of people at the car wash.

I’ve come to terms that there are three types of people:

     1)The Half-A**es

  2) The Teacher’s Pets

     3) The DGAF’s

1) The Half-A**

There is nothing more that bothers me at the car wash than someone that goes through and immediately drives off, water dripping off their mirrors, turning on their windshield wipers as they pull out into traffic. To me, why even wash your car at that point? Your car might not be dirty but in an hour it will be covered and stained by water droplets. BLEHH. But again you do you.

This brings us right into my category….. 

2) The Teacher’s Pet.

Now you might be wondering….”Sarah, how can I get into this “TEACHER’S PET” club? …Well for starters you gotta (BYOT) Bring Your Own Towel. I won’t say it again. It burns my soul when I don’t bring a towel.

The teacher’s pets start simply by drying the outside of their car, easy peasy. But you know when they’ve stepped foot into the club when they start OPENING UP ALL THEIR DOORS. When the doors are open just get outta the way. These people are hauling out their trash in loads. Their floor boards are flying out of their cars and they’re wiggling off any crumb or grain of sand it managed to contain. And lastly, they end with the vacuum. These people take their vacuums and will contort their bodies to get every last grain of dirt like their life depends on it. It’s a stellar performance to say the least. This is why they are the teacher’s pet. They go above and beyond to perfect the task at hand.

This brings me to 3) The DGAF’s

I’ve found myself in this category before… These people have absolutely zero time for the car wash. Instead, they drive right past the car wash and pull into an ARCO right next door for a quick rinse. We have all gotten out and grabbed those 80 yr old black squeegees from those dark black buckets…you know which ones I’m talking about. Our goal here is just to see out our windshield, nothing else. We give zero butts about what the rest of the car looks like.

I would like to briefly circle back to the black buckets of water at the gas station. They are so mysterious.

I’ve always wondered about those things. How does the water get there? Does someone empty the water? Who replaces the sponge on the end of the stick? The gas station clerk? Has it actually been replaced? These are questions going through my head. Another thing about those buckets is that they are jet a** black. I’m scared to even reach in and find the squeegee at times…

Anywho’s, I guess no matter how black the bucket is, or whatever color that water actually is, I will say the quick “squeegee and run” technique gets the job done. Let’s face it. I’ve never left after cleaning my windshield at a gas station thinking, “Wow that was a waste of my time” Never. It’s fast and free. And in life, nothing comes free.

Now let’s bring this full circle. Car washes are weird.

Some can say it’s a status symbol. Some feel like it’s a form of therapy to clear their minds. Some people have time to wash their car but not enough time to dry it, and some people use squeegees from the gas station next door. 

Everyone’s got a preference. I’ll just continue being the “Teacher’s Pet”, AND wonder about the upkeep on those black horror buckets. 

Bye-bye for now:)